Cream Tea at Charlecote Park NT, Warwickshire

Charlecote Park is absolutely marvelous.

Simply wonderful.

Despite being in the midst of the wettest drought since records began....

.....la famille countrycreamtea had a thoroughly capital day here which culminated in the most delicious cream tea.  But more of that in due course because I think an unlearned and jaundiced discourse on some matters historical is necessary prior to a discussion of scones and clotted cream.

One of the most wonderful members of the Lucy family of Charlecote Park was one Mary Elizabeth Lucy (1803-1890) nee Williams from somewhere in Flintshire. Now, when things are looking down for the average English family it always does better if one of its members marries a foreigner (cf Queen Victoria and Albert) and gets some decent genes into the blood pool (as they say).  Which is exactly what George Lucy (1789-1845) did by marrying young Mary Elizabeth.  Suffice to say that, essentially, she saved the family seat after his rather early death thanks to some hard graft and frugal living; she redesigned the house, destroyed the local church and put a hideous Victorian dump in its place,

and was an all round good egg.  Marrying a Welsh girl, therefore, became all the rage, as was subsequently demonstrated in the cases of Siegfried Wagner and Craig Revel Horwood.

Mary Elizabeth Lucy was loved by all who knew her and in order to show why this was the case a few anecdotes from her life as recorded in her journal are necessary.

On her wedding night, when her new husband left her for an hour or so, she spent the entire time reading the Book of Common Prayer.  Such behaviour is exactly what a gentleman should expect of a new wife.

In matters religious she was, as you would hope, an adherent of the One True Church and excellent in every way.  She also had exquisite taste.  In the following extract from a diary entry for December 1840 (during a two year long tour of Italy) one discerns a delicious combination of these two virtues.

"[The] Prince ..... sent us tickets for the Sistine Chapel.... [The] Ladies sat in boxes as at the opera.  Between us and the Pope were strong iron bars [on the other side of which] were 12 old Cardinals seated on benches, dressed in scarlet robes, muttering their prayers to some very unheavenly music.  It could not be called singing, it was more like the lowing of oxen.  His Holiness is a very old and ugly man, arrayed in apparel glittering with gold and silver and a mitre sparkling with jewels.
Such ceremonies are paid to him that you might fancy you were in the presence of some pagan God.  A Cardinal held his book, another turned over the leaves, a third took off his tiara, another put it on again, then a fifth held up some part of his robes and a sixth put on fresh ones.  What all the ceremonies were for I know not, but they combined the grand with the ridiculous." (pp 64-65)

Quite so.

She was also an excellent mother as is demonstrated by the following vignette about her approach to the rearing of daughters.  Of the aforementioned trip to Italy she wrote that she and her husband...

"undertook the tour in order ..... to show our children the wonders of the Renaissance, but I confess that more often than not I had to hurry the girls past statues of naked gods that their native innocence might not be impaired." (p 67)

Hear! Hear!  Parents would do well to protect their minors from disgusting Etruscan filth at all times as did the Mistress of Charlecote. She was almost a saint.


Enough of this.  What of the cream tea?

Location. 9.5/10
A great location. Top bananas.

Brilliant don't you think.  That's the front door. That bit above the porch - can't help wondering what went on in there from time to time.

If you look behind you you then get this cheeky look at the delights that await you in the cream tea department.

You just know from this view that what's hiding behind that Cedar is going to hit the spot.

And there it is in all its glory.  The Orangery Restaurant.  One slight query is that I wish they wouldn't give fancy modern French names to such places.  Far more preferable to give it the redundant plural of Tea Room.  Notice the chaotic cluster of potted plants, the hastily scribbled sandwich board saying "get in here quick" (or words to that effect), and the classic green garden furniture.  Michelin star joint this.

There's the inside.  This rather useless photograph doesn't do it justice.  Take my word for it - this is a top little place.

The Scone 16.5/20
What a little corker.

Chimes in beautifully with the current austere climate - a slightly minimalist look. Perfectly formed scone. If you do like your scones with raisins in them then this is just the right amount; i.e. not too many.  Look at that raisin trying to burst cheekily out of the top, and notice the one on the side who nearly made it.  Top scone. Nice and light.  Unfortunately not cooked the same day hence the slightly weaker scone.  Otherwise this would have been a 19+pointer.

Jam 7/10
Sick of these jars.

The Cream 8/10
Nice, lucious, a little bit on the louche side, not quite dark enough.

Tea 10/10
No problems.

Service and miscellaneous. 9/10
No fuss, no dramas.  All the way.

Value for money 18.5/20
£3.50's a great price for a cream tea.  Scone not enormous, but - look at this.

Only a Guardian reader's going to find a problem here.

 Prejudice corner 8.5/10

1) Is the local MP a Liberal Democrat?
Course not. 1 point.

2) From the picture you showed of the inside of the Tea Rooms it looked a bit naff.  Can you say or show more?

Indeed

OK - so I'll admit it's modern, and a bit white.  On the other hand, consider the subtle integration of the slightly bamboo looking furniture (very 1830s) to the plain but functional table and the absolute belting view out of the window.  Laurence Llewelyn Bowen couldn't hold a candle to this sort of vision.  1 point scored.

3)  What about Coffee,  I can't imagine a girl of quality from Bodelwyddan partaking of the vile bean.  Are her exquisite tastes upheld in this establishment?

Absolutely.  Not a single mention of a Macchiato all afternoon. 1 point.

4)   You mention the view.  I think I'm right in thinking that the view includes one of the great deer parks in the whole of Christendom.  What of hunting?

A sore subject on this blog.  Alas no hunting in evidence.  What rubs salt into the wound even more is the fact that the NT were at the forefront of the anti sports brigade. No points here I'm afraid.

5) You've mentioned religion and Lady Mary Elizabeth's entirely orthodox views on the subject.  I presume there's no hint of non-conformity anywhere on the estate?

LOL - you must be joking. No chapel in sight and a 19th-century brewery next to the stables.  Marvelous. 1 point.

6) What about smoking?

No worries here.  Check out the outside covered smoking area adjacent to the Orangery.

 1 Point. Quality. Those green brolly type things cost a mint.

7) What about the crowds?

Very well behaved.  OK - this was a wet Tuesday during school term, but I can only report as I find. 1 point.

8) One of the attractions of the house is a chance to try the queen of games, association croquet?  What about inside the house?

Billiards.  Fair enough - bar billiards would have been better, but a billiard room introduces just the right degree of shallowness so beloved of this blog.  1 point.

9) Elsewhere inside the house.  Tasteful or not?
Not too tasteful.  Remember Dean Inge's words:  He who marries the spirit of one age finds himself a divorcee in the next (I think he said something like this).  But certainly not vulgar?  On the other hand, I'm informed that Antiques Roadshow filmed here - not a good sign.  Let's say half a point.

10) Could the place be described as 'with it'?
Certainly not. 1 point.

Total and Summary
87/100
What a great score; but then twas a great cream tea! Great house. Great visit. Great Topiary.