Cream Tea at Waddesdon Manor, Buckinghamshire

Waddesdon Manor is fairly close to where I live so I've visited it several times during this Summer and grown rather fond of it.  Its gardens are ideal for my son Countrycreamtea Junior to run around in - and although it's usually busy it's never pullulating.

Waddesdon, it should be noted, however, is a fairly bizarre place.   So - a glance at the NT webside page tells us not to miss the following three things:

• See one of the finest collections of Sèvres porcelain.
• Marvel at Marie-Antoinette's writing desk.
• Discover contemporary sculptures in the gardens.

Now I'm fully aware that I'm betraying my lack of sophistication, education and upbringing as much as revealing any shortcomings in the attractions of this fine 1880 property, but I would politely suggest that these aren't features that I would describe as 'don't miss'.

• I'm all in favour of porcelain for use, but once it's in glass cabinets I feel as if I'm no longer a stakeholder in the affair; 
• Just because Marie Antoinette once penned a missive sat at some desk or other doesn't inspire me with much interest, let alone wonderment or marvelling;
• I take as much delight in contemporary sculpture as in Carp fishing. 

And while I'm spending some time on the shortcomings of the place I'm minded to warn potential visitors that seeing the inside of the house was not, for me, a hugely memorable experience.   There's no doubt that much of the content is priceless, striking, and awesome.  But so much of it is terribly vulgar.  If Mrs Countrycreamtea got hold of an inordinately humungous pot of moolah and decorated our gaff in a manner similar to this I'd have her sectioned.  It makes one understand why the French Revolution happened in the first place. Now - for someone who thinks that the French Revolution ranks among the Beatles, polyester, margarine, Mahler, and the BBC as some of the greatest disasters ever to befall Western civilization this is quite a statement.  Of course nothing could ever excuse the French Revolution, but the interiors of places like Waddesdon do seem to give it a certain context.

But don't let any of this put you off.  The house and gardens are absolutely fantastic.

So - what about the cream tea.
Well - I'd been looking forward to steaming in for some Cream Tea action during many a previous visit.  By the time I actually got the chance a few weeks ago I was almost broken by the anticipation.  But my word it was worth it.
This is a bona fide posh Cream Tea place - the Manor Restaurant (just opposite the ticket office).


Location  10/10
The description says it all. A perfect dix.

The Scone 20/20

Looks promising I think you'll agree.   That scone looks the business doesn't it?  Let's have a closer look.

No fruit - which, if I'm honest, is how I like 'em.  This one ticked all the boxes.  High butter content, perfectly kneaded, correctly seasoned, a decent size, out of the oven no more than 40 minutes.  And look at the perfection with which it's risen. A pastry chef who can do this can surely do anything.  That horizontal crevice was put there by the gods to aid the delicate act of slicing - providing the consumer with a wonderful starting point. I don't hand out full score for scones on a regular basis - so this is praise indeed.

The Jam 7/10
Boring naff little jar - not enough of it.

The Cream 8.5/10
A nice aleatoric blob in its own dish rather than one of those tawdry plastic jobbies. V good.

The Tea  5/10
The rather quaint looking teapot looked promising but it's no good to devil, man or beast unless you heat the bloomin thing before you make the tea. Second cup barely tepid.  Not good.

Service and miscellaneous.
9/10
Bar the teapot calamity nothing to fault.  Starched tabliers in evidence, room at the inn, and the up-marketness of it all is worn rather lightly.

Value for money 18/20
The unheated teapot is creating havoc on the scores of this one which is a shame.  I can't remember the exact price but it was somewhere in the £6/7 mark which is pretty good.

Prejudice Corner. 9/10
1) Is the local MP a Liberal Democrat?
No - so one point scored - but it's him again.  Note that the website tells us we should address him as Mr Bercow.  I ask you.  The dignity of the House is invested in this Gentleman.  It's this guy we look to to keep the monarch and the generals from getting too big for their boots - and we're bidden not to call him Mr Speaker.  What next? I suppose it could be worse - his wife might have posed in the altogether for some newspaper or other.  That really would put him beyond the pale.

2) Any evidence of one of the vilest fruits of non-conformity - abstinence from the dreaded drink?
Certainly not.  This pad belongs to the Rothschild family and next to the obligatory shop selling naff and trivia there's a booze shop selling classed growths off the left bank. Fantastic.  1 point. 

3) Were there any wild beasts in captivity in evidence?
Yes there were - rather a fine aviary full of bizarre species in keeping with the general bizareness off the place.  One point.

4) Did you overhear any conversations along the lines of 'I can never get my marigolds to grow like these'?
No - thank goodness.  One point.

5) What about the dreaded coffee?  Any quarter whatsoever given to addicts of the bean?
None at all.  The drinks menu had about 12 varieties of tea, and only 3 of coffee.  That may be 3 too many but this place is at the vanguard of keeping the latte crowd firmly in their place.  One point.

6) Smoking?
I'm fairly certain I saw lots of people chuffing away happily on my visit.  As it should be - one point.

7) Vegetarians? Would you say that they were given any special treatment?
Not as such - plenty of flesh on the menu.  One point.

8) You mentioned that it's often busy.  I find this worrying - please reassure me that it isn't popular.
The beauty of the place is that the gardens are so vast and there's so much to see you barely notice.  One point.

9) Were there any coach parties?
Afraid so - this is not to be encouraged.  (One idea would be to make the coaches park at the bottom of the hill atop of which sits the house - should sort that one out nicely) No points.

10) Would an average person describe the experience as trendy?
I wouldn't have thought so for a moment.  One point

Total and Summary 86.5/100
By Jove that teapot incident has diminished the score considerably.  But the perfect scone will linger long on the taste buds, and I look forward to returning one day.  86.5 is still a pretty good total......