Llanerchaeron

Anybody who knows anything about anything should know about Llanerchaeron - a few miles inland from Aberaeron in Cardiganshire. This is a wonderful neck of the woods. The drive from Aberaeron to Lampeter goes through the most wonderful lush countryside.  Aberaeron itself is excellent with some excellent scoff on offer - both cooked and uncooked.  And then Llanerchaeron itself is a wonderful estate;  there's a wonderful Nash house, a fantastic walled garden, a lake, a farm, you name it - it's here.

But what about the cream tea?


Well here it is.

What a sight!  Look at the way in which that enormous and haphazardly-shaped scone dominates the landscape.  Begging to be eaten.  Consider that stretch mark closest to you on the top half of the scone - the way in which the fruit is bursting to free itself by means of the baking powder from the shackles of the dough.  Gaze in wonderment at the way in which the kitchen staff have cheekily cut the scone in two.  Nash the architect who designed the house a few hundred yards away may have been a genius - but the person who dished this up could surely command a few pages in the Pevsner of Cream Teas.  The people of Cardiganshire are supposed to be mean - but there's nothing mean about this cream tea - I mean - look at the size of the milk jug!

After saying all this - it needs to be admitted that this is not a cream tea without its controversy.  But we'll come to all that in due course.

Rating

Location
9/10
What a place!

This is a superb location.  Although a new building don't you think it strikes the right note of austerity for our recession-stricken age?  There's a hint of the hay shed about it - or the sense there may be a battered old tractor lurking around the back of the kitchen.  But it's surrounded by woodland and lawns.  Quite wonderful.  It would score a perfect ten if it weren't for the fact that it shares the same field as the car park. Am sorry to split hairs on this one.....

The scone 15.5/20
I've already given something of a description above.  In coming to give the scone a rating what needs to be stressed is its enormous size - almost a knife and fork scone.  Perfectly seasoned, not too much fruit, a hint of crumbliness.  Unfortunately not as fresh as it should be. But immensely satisfying.


The cream 5/10
The cream isn't clotted which is a great shame as this automatically rules out a perfect score.  After saying that - it is fresh,  it is the right temperature, it is unsweetened, but it looks mightily like it's come out of an aerosol can.  How on earth does one score such a sight, especially when served on its own doily?
A word is needed on doilies methinks.
Anyone thinking of using doilies in their cream teas should be very very very very careful.  On the one hand they can be a cream tea's downfall, but on the other they can just give the right sort of lift to the whole experience.  While doilies are, by their very nature, the height of naff - naff can sometimes have its place.  This is a devil of a business to quantify.
What I would say on this cream tea is that the size of the doily (small) together with the fact that it's inherent naffness is being used to lighten the slight tawdriness of aerosoled cream (which, incidentally, has been perfectly squirted) in an ironic way - suggests the work of a master cream tea craftsman - someone who really can make a purse out of a sow's ear.  In a word - genius.

The Jam 9/10
Readers will now be fully aware that the cream tea under discussion is a controversial beast.  We've had doilies, we've had aerosol cream,  we've had butter portions (why?).  And now the Jam - blackcurrant for heaven's sake.   This breaks one of the cardinal rules of cream teas - namely that the Jam should always be strawberry.  But, as I've said earlier, we're dealing with the work of genius in this cream tea, and one of the hallmarks of a genius is that (s)he's able to break the rules not just in order to break them and show how clever (s)he is or how modern (s)he is, but in order to take the recipient to a new level of appreciation.   Breathtaking.  This is homemade blackcurrant jam of the very best quality.  There's the perfect balance of sugar versus fruit which allows the fruit to come through beautifully - gorgeous Cardiganshire blackcurrants picked at their optimum ripeness - so it's just a little bit tart.   And the maker's first name, Ann, but not the surname, is given on the jar with her phone-number.  I won't dare to phone her myself but I'm certain to be passing on her phone number to Downing Street so that she can be made an MBE at the end of December.
To explain the score - a non-Strawberry Jam can't get a perfect ten - so a half dropped there, plus the naff jam jar (wrong sort of naff).


Tea 10/10
Socking great big (pre-heated) pot of proper Cardiganshire tea. Fantastic.

Service and miscellaneous 9/10
Hard to fault it.  A busy place but efficient staff kept the whole thing moving swiftly.

Value for money 19/20
Although only one scone provided it was a belter and the whole thing came in under four quid.  Asda value has nothing on this.

Prejudice corner.
1) Is the local MP a liberal democrat?
Afraid so.  Now I'm sure he's a nice guy and I'm aware that this neck of the woods has a pedigree of very fine Liberal MPs, but I'm afraid the rules are the rules.  No points on this one.

2) Are there any signs of non-conformity in the area?
No.  1 point scored.

3) What about the local church?
Very solidly Anglican without a hint of fresh expressions about it.  1 point scored.

4) Did the establishment tell you incessantly about how environmentally friendly it was?
Mercifully not - 1 non-recycled point awarded.

5) You've mentioned the fact that the tea room was in the car park. What about the 4x4 quota?
I'm delighted to report that any 4x4s parked therein were needed for professional reasons.  There were no boden-catalogue-clad parents with children named Olivia or Jack anywhere to be seen.  1 point.

6) On an estate in which hunting with hounds was a staple part of life, and on a property which the National Trust is telling us it's renovating - you surely heard the call of the hunting horns?
Sadly not. Almost unforgivable considering the amount of hunting equipment in the stables.  No points here.

7) Were coffee drinkers given any special treatment?
Not that I saw.  I'm not averse to coffee being sold at this sort of place.  Chaq'un a son gout and all that but it should be advertised amongst the optional extras such as ketchup and the like.  No endless list of fancy coffee here thank goodness, so 1 point scored.

8) Vegetarians?
They may have been there but thankfully, a bit like the proverbial red under the bed, not visible. 1 point.

9) Tobacco and snuff. Encouraged?
The best things in life aren't encouraged at all any more but at least it wasn't discouraged.  1 point.

10) Would a reasonable person describe the experience as trendy?
No.  Good job. 1 point scored.

Total and Summary
84.5/100
The work of a genius.  Slightly flawed genius, but genius nevertheless.  Wild horses wouldn't keep me from going there again.