Cream Tea at Attingham Park, Shropshire

This cream tea loving welshman was beyond consolation at leaving his beloved homeland the other day - but his misery was alleviated by this rather wonderful property.

Attingham Park is a prize winning estate in Shropshire.  After being stuck behind awful caravans all the way from West Wales (which seemed to take for ever and a day) it was great to get out of the motor car and experience a gorgeous lungful of the smell of farmyard manure.

Attingham Park is all singing all dancing.  There's a magnificent house, great parkland, good walks, a walled garden, and a socking great big orchard full of healthy looking chickens.  Unfortunately the Cockerel's had to leave the place recently - a sign informed us that since he'd been attacking staff and visitors of late so he'd had to go.  Poor lad.  Nobody knows exactly whence came this aggression.  My hunch is that he'd had a cream tea at the cafe in the stables near the entrance and had simply gone wild about life and lost the plot.  A solidly reliable Salopian cream tea can do this to even the most stable of creatures, man or beast.

Looking at this you can see exactly why the poor old cockerel went mad.  Just like a good cockerel doesn't take any messing from the other chickens or from visitors - here's a scone that has its mind firmly on keeping the jam and cream in the proper place - right at the edge of things so he can dominate centre stage. Here's a cream tea that is full of confident swagger.  I knew from the off that this would be a good un.

Rating

Location 10/10
The Tea Room is in among the stable block.  So it's classy - it makes Downton Abbey look like a 1950's semi - and it's busy.  All sorts of things going on here ( there's a wonderful waft of manure coming in from the nearby farm.  Top class.

The Scone 14/20
Only a quick glance at this scone is necessary to see that it's the work of a master.  It's been carefully kneaded and my guess is that it was cooked rather slowly. This allowed the dough to rise evenly and develop the cheekiest of crusts - not like the crust on a well done loaf - just enough to give it something special.  It's the perfect size in that it's significant but without ruining your supper later in the day.  Unfortunately it wasn't cooked on the day it was eaten hence the disappointing score.

The Cream 8/10
Clotted, Cornish, and even though I'm getting slightly annoyed with these little containers, it was served at the ideal temperature - cold but soft enough so that it would spread nicely.  This attention to detail on the part of the Maitre D makes me purr with satisfaction.

The Jam 7/10
These little jars are really beginning to get on my nerves.  What can be said in their favour is that if you've only got one scone, then it's nearly enough.  But then this series of jars has the naffest of titles.  It's called, "Thursday Cottage Strawberry Jam".  How naff is that? What the heck has Thursday got to do with it?  I wonder what the rest of the series of the series is.  Monday Multi-storey Marmite?  Tuesday Pre-fab peanut butter? If it were the best Strawberry Jam this side of the day of judgement one might turn a blind eye to this sort of infelicity but the ubiquity of these horrid little jars is beginning to grate a little.  But it's not. It's simply ok - nothing more.

The Tea 9/10
Solid and reliable.  Just the thing to break up a long journey in the car.


Service and miscellaneous 10/10
Absolutely first rate.  It was a Saturday and the world and his wife had turned up but the kitchen slaves were fully on top of it.  There were all sorts of things to keep Countrycreamtea Junior amused.

Value for money 18/20
Not quite a premier division cream tea but this all came at less than four quid.  That's impressive.

Prejudice corner
1) Is the local MP a Liberal democrat?
No - he is certainly not - which means 1 bonus point in this cheeky little corner of the rating system.

2) Were there any dens of dissent spoiling the views from this wonderful estate?
No - thankfully - 1 point scored.

3) You said the place was heaving. Didn't this spoil the whole episode?
While I can't bear to be in places which are all popular and full of people all having a nice time it didn't actually feel chocka.  The car park was full but it didn't feel too bad.  1 point.

4) So - the clientelle that you saw - do you think that the majority would have voted for or against AV in the recent referendum?
While I'm sure there was the odd radical hiding behind the hostas they certainly weren't in the majority.

5) Was there a private chapel with an enormous and impractical and out of proportion lectern inside on which stood a completely unthumbed King James Bible or Book of Common Prayer?
No there wasn't.  I reckon the Berwicks were as interested in the true faith as they were in having children.
No points here.

6) Was there much vegetarian fare on the menu?
You should know by know that even one vegetarian item is one too many - but it didn't feel like a vegan convention so we'll be gracious and award one point.

7) Was there much coffee drinking going on?
Far too much.  We never had a problem with too much coffee drinking until Rupert Murdoch came to blighty. No points.

8) Wasn't it all a bit Marcus Brigstocke?
Never heard of him - 1 point scored.

9) Did you see anyone enjoying snuff or tobacco?
No I didn't - no points.

10)  Would a reasonable person describe the experience as being trendy?
This is a tricky one.  With so much going on, with so many people having a lovely time, with so many things to draw in the kids I fear that they may so describe it.  So no points.

Total and Summary
82/100
A good solid score. Fantastic cream tea in a fantastic place which is buzzing.  Keep up the good work and please throw away any scones you don't sell on the day.