Je Négrette Rien - part 3 - a wine post

Chateau St Louis, Fronton, 2007

The 12 days of Christmas in the Countrycreamtea household are usually excellent ones, normatively punctuated by attending a hunt or two, partaking of a pint or three of real ale after a walk in crisp winter sunshine, you get the picture.  This year, I regret to say, the whole scenario's been somewhat spoilt.  Firstly, the awful weather, secondly, the preposterous stories about Thatcher's cabinet papers (The Independent, for example, was reduced to devoting a whole story to how many hairdo's she had in one year), thirdly, lastly and by no means leastly, the latest Burgundy En Primeur prices for the 2012 vintage (I'm out this year).

The only thing that can possibly rectify such a frightful situation is a decent bottle of something a little out of the ordinary.  Both readers of this blog will be aware that we have something of a foible chez nous for the glories of the Négrette grape (written about here and here).

There it is - Chateau Saint Louis, Fronton, 2007.  Got this bad boy from France (I think from that nice wine shop in Le Touquet) for 6 euros.

And here's the crucial info from the back.

There we go. 70% Negrette, 20% Cabernet Franc, and 5 each of Gamay and Syrah.  Nice.  Not so nice is the tedious sermon about no chemicals. Yawn.

Now - knowing when to open a Negrette wine is tricky.  When drunk young it's tempting to think  - this could go for years, but while it does benefit from shortish to medium term cellaring, leaving it too late can screw it up too.  I reckon I cracked this one just in time.  You can just tell from the picture that it's gone a nice rubyish colour.  

And the nose?  Well rather than describe it - I'll help you recreate it.

Into a liquidizer put, 1 prune that's been soaking in cheaph(ish) armagnac for 3 years, half a fresh apricot, 3 victoria plum skins (ideally not quite ripe), a 1 inch pencil (nothing harder than a 3B ideally a pencil that's been on the garage floor for at least six months), 1/4 teaspoon rolling tobacco, half a peppercorn, and 3 mils petrol lighter fluid.  Wiz it for 30-40 seconds.  Remove lid and leave for 8 minutes. Now finely chop a sweet pea flower and a honeysuckle bud, fold into the mixture,  and take a niff.   That's it.  Glorious.  Nothing on earth smells like a glass of Fronton wine. And I mean nothing.  And you can't buy this nectar for love nor money in Blighty.

And in the mouth?  The fruit has faded a little, but still there; like a nice home made jam that's been left for a few too many months.  Good tanins, longish finish, tastes a bit boozier than its 12.5 %.

So if you're in the trade - get yourself acquainted with  http://www.chateausaintlouis.fr get down there, and ping me a tweet when you get back.  It's not difficult.  I'd happily part with £15 for this.

A serving suggestion.

Gesiers, croutons (cooked in Gesiers fat obviously), lardons etc.,  Feel those arteries tightening......

Cream Tea at the Reverend Gilbert White's Tea Parlour, Selborne, Hampshire

Both readers of my blog will have to forgive me for having neglected this futile site for so long - I moved house a little while ago, I've also started on a University course in addition to earning my regular crust etc. etc. so I've been fairly busy.  To be fair, I have had one or two cream teas along the way but they simply didn't merit being written up for a site devoted to excellence in the Cream Tea World.  The Interweb is already so full of rudeness, crassness, and vulgarity that I have no desire to add to it by rubbishing places which I might have chanced upon on a bad day.

That's enough by way of an introductory confession to indolence.

I had the inkling when heading to Gilbert White's fantastic house in Selborne, Hampshire, that the cream tea I'd get there might be good.  Because anybody who knows anything about Cream Teas would know that the Church of England and a good cream tea go together like Gin and Tonic.  My inkling was smack on the money....

This is a promising start.  'Tea Parlour'! I quite like that: I'm not too fond of café because it speaks of coffee, whose advent to these shores, as we all know, marked the beginning of the end.  Tea Parlour, however, sounds good and English without being too naff. More to the point, it's accurate: customers take their cream teas in a Georgian parlour rather than one of those awful glass-and-pine-scandinavian jobbies that seem to have infiltrated the cream tea heritage scene in the recent past.

The Reverend Gilbert White was one of the greatest human beings to tread the face of the earth. His house is a small paradise whither he wrote hundreds of missives about creation.

That's the back of the house.  You have to shell out a few quid to get into the house and or garden, but it's well worth it as you can tell from the above photo.

OK, so they haven't got round to weeding all of it as you can tell from the above, but it's still good, no geraniums, marigolds, or winter pansies here.

So here we go

Review and rating

Location 10/10
Doesn't get much better. Picturesque Hampshire village, miles from any form of civilisation, no riffraff.

The Scone 19.5/20
What a beauty!

Have a glance at the way it's done a slightly sideways shimmy during baking.  Look at the way in which the upper half has said 'Right! I'm off!' to the lower half, like a petulant spouse during a storm in a teacup, in full knowledge that a complete separation does no-one any good in the long run. And what about the randomness of the crown?  Let's have a look from another angle.

There's a grandeur to this side which was lacking on the other. This shot gives you a true sense of the stature of the scone and, more to the point, the stature of the chef.  Marcus Aurelius, the 2nd century Roman emperor wrote in his Meditations that bread,

"in the course of its baking, tends to crack open here and there, and yet these very cracks, which are, in a sense, offences against the baker's art, somehow appeal to us and, in a curious way, promote our appetite"
(Hard, R., & Gill C., (2011) Marcus Aurelius: Meditations, Oxford: Oxford University Press, 16)

Old Marcus might well have been talking about this very scone.  My appetite was certainly promoted by this vision and it tasted absolutely wonderful.  Beautifully cooked, just enough crust on the bottom and top to give variety in texture, and an exquisite flesh.

 
Fresher than a steaming cowpat.  Close to perfection.  Just slightly lacking in seasoning and served slightly too warm.  Warm is fine, hot isn't. All in all a real beauty.

Jam 8/10
I'm often rude about these naff little jam jars - with good reason. It's because they're naff.  What on earth would Gilbert make of buying in factory made jam when there's a ruddy great big garden out the back?  I can't imagine it would have been particularly parsonical language. The only reason it gets 8 is that one Jar was for 1 scone, so it had the merit of providing just about enough jam.

Cream 8/10

They've disguised the plastic container by putting it in a bowl - I don't mind that. Cream just a tad on the cold side, but recognisable as clotted cream.  V Good

Tea 10/10
Everything hotter than Edward Snowden's hard drive and plenteous. Brilliant.

Service and miscellaneous 10/10
There were several nice Hampshire lasses beavering away being helpful without in any way being drama queens. Not overly friendly but not snooty, just right - professional but smiley. Plus they didn't ask 'what can I get you?' (That one really grips me).

Value for money 18/20
Tricky one this.  £5.50 is slightly more than a blue drinks voucher. But it was very good.

Prejudice Corner 9/10

1) Is the local MP a Liberal Democrat?
No he isn't I'm glad to say.  There are only two in the whole of Hampshire - two too many I'll agree. Still - 1 point scored.

2) What about the decor of said Tea Parlour  - bet the Laura Ashley brigade have got in there and wrecked it?
Certainly not.

Good Georgian feel to it. No objections here. 1 point scored

3)  OK - we can live with that.  What about the shop, these places are generally awful aren't they?
I'll agree that they often are.  But not this one.

That's the shop through the doorway. No stench of Potpourri. OK - there was plenty of junk on sale but many proper books in evidence.  Generally inoffensive - so 1 point scored.

4) Piped music?
None that I could hear - neither in the shop nor, more importantly, in the Tea Parlour.  1 point scored.

5) Back to the Tea Parlour.  What about the dreadful coffee you so quite rightly deride?
No problems here.  Here's the drinks menu.

1st page and a half devoted to teas, then a brief mention of Coffee - on a par with Hot Chocolate - which of course nobody drinks.  Excellent. 1 point.

6) That's 5/5 so far - there's got to be something wrong with this place - surely?
Well it isn't without it's faults.  Take a look at this.

Under the title 'Gilbert White's Cream Tea' it says 'a plain scone served with Cornish clotted cream, strawberry jam and a pot of your choice of Twinings Tea or Filter Coffee'

Choice of Tea or Coffee!? What on earth has the world come to?  The clue is in the title 'Gilbert White's Cream TEA'; for heaven's sake.  If someone really wants coffee with their cream 'tea', then they can a) ask for it and b) be politely asked to leave.  No points here.

7) What about the clientelle?  Bus loads of vermin I bet.

Not at all.  The Car Park has no place for buses and it's 200 yards from the house.  That rules out hordes of lice, and also fat people. 1 point scored.

8) What about the Parish Church outside the walls of which the blessed Gilbert is buried?

The Parish Church of St Mary's is worth a visit in itself.  I found it open, clean, and the pews weren't littered with copies of the Bible. 1 point

9) Was it the only religion on offer in the village or were there any awful chapels?
It was indeed the only religion on offer - as it should be. Not a chapel in sight (well not my sight anyway). 1 point.

10) Could you take Granny there without ruining her and, more to the point, your day?
You most certainly could. 1 point.

Total Score and final remarks
92.5/100

Gilbert White's Tea Parlour becomes a member of the 90 plus point club.  Richly deserved.  Absolutely marvelous place.  I'd sit through one of Ed Milliband's speeches to go there again.

Anyone thinking about going into Cream Teas would do well to use this place as a model.

PS - nice bit of Ivy action going on here.....

Je Négrette Rien - part 2 - a wine post

There are three unfathomable mysteries for the average British Citizen.

3) Why is that Bercow fellow the Speaker of the House of Commons of the Mother of Parliaments?
2) Why is it almost impossible to buy a slice of bacon that's any thicker than 2.43 millimeters? (Who on earth buys their rump steak cut as thin as this??)
1) Why is it so difficult to acquire in Blighty wine that is made from (or predominantly from) the Négrette grape?

Now -  though 3 and 2 are extremely vexing, it's number 1 in the list that really really keeps me awake at night; because while there's sort of an excuse for both 3 (look at the people who chose him) and 2 (crispy bacon can be nice), I've yet to find any explanation that can possibly excuse 1.  It really goes to show that rational choice theory is on a par with phrenology.

One of the aims of this blog is to rectify 1. A day will come, you mark my words, when this blog will be celebrated for having achieved for Négrette that which eluded Lord Longford with regard to releasing Myra Hindley.  So this is the second entry in the history of this entirely valueless blog devoted to making the Négrette grape an household name (the first post about Négrette is here).

Take a butchers as this.

I can't remember who said that there's no such thing as a great wine, only a great bottle.  Well have a second look at the piccy because that's a great bottle.  The back label has a 200 word dissertation explaining why every man woman and child this side of the day of judgement should be drinking this with their cornflakes, their sandwiches, their scones, and their roast suppers. It helpfully informs us, for example, that the Négrette grape was imported to Fronton from Cyprus (and there was I thinking that the finest thing ever to come out of Cyprus was the froth from the severed testicles of Uranus.....).  So there you go,  not only is drinking Négrette good for your palate and soul, it's also good for your general knowledge.  Class.

One of the minus points for this bot is that they've gone and mixed it with Syrah and Cabernet Franc. While I'm happy to concede that the makers of this wine know their stuff better than I do there's still no excuse for it.  Remember the catchphrase: if it's good enough for Aphrodite, then it's good enough for me. You see - wine made exclusively from Négrette is wonderful in that it's both floral on the nose but also thick enough to paint onto your garden bench in order to protect the wood through the winter months.  

Anyway - what of the above bouteille?  4 Euros from a supermarket somewhere in what used to be part of the United Kingdom.  Lacking in the floral nose of a quintessential Négrette wine but you do get a great whiff of the back of the bottom drawer of the desk in your grandfather's study;  foetid old pencils, mouldy felt tip pens and the like. Brilliant.  And on the gob and tongue a mixture of 168 year old blackberry jam and creosote.  It doesn't come much better at this sort of price.

Best scones in the world at Bangor Pier

In my ongoing self-sacrificial and altruistic quest to bring you news of the best cream teas in the land the heart of the matter is, of course, the scone.  None of the establishments reviewed on these pages gets into the holy of holies known as the 90+ point club without dishing up a first rate freshly baked scone. It is a matter of considerable shame that had I turned up at some of the establishments (which eventually turned out 80+ point cream teas) on a different day they would have sailed into the 90+ point club.  But there you go - it's a tough world out there.

Now - if you didn't have a life you might glance through the various reviews on this blog and see how disappointingly rare the really belting scone is.  Well here's one for you - Bangor Pier.  Locals have known about this place for centuries.  Visitors, with good reason, avoid going into Bangor because it's a bit of a dump, but let me tell you, I'd crawl over broken bottles or swim through shark infested custard to get here.

Look at that!

As I said, locals have known about this place for donkeys. I'm not entirely sure why we need quotation marks for this but it's only nutcases who come to Bangor Pier for grammatical reasons.  What needs to be noted is that air of confidence.  "Our scones are famous, come and have one, end of". Great

They don't do cream teas so this isn't a full whack review.  Just have a look at this.

This little lot and two hot drinks for £4.50.  They're 20 pointers.  They cook them fresh first thing every day (open Thurs to Sun 9-4) and they are absolutely marvellous.  Aspiring Cream Tea providers would learn a lot from coming here.  Nothing fancy, no sermons about the evils of genetically modified baking powder, not a doily in sight, just first rate baking.

That's the pastry chef.  I don't know his name, so I'll give him a suitable name.  How about 'God'.  And look, his own portrait is on the wall behind him.  The fire exit is clearly marked so should anyone enjoying one of these delicious scones suddenly self-combust from pleasure you can get out unscathed. Brilliant.  And check out the outfit.  Braces, white apron, shorts.  Speechless.  The Knighthood must come soon.

Do go there, and soon.

In Praise of Roots of Hardwick - a foodie post

Just to say that I have absolutely no personal connection to this gaff or anyone who works there. I've never been given any freebies from them.  I am not in any kind of debt or owe favours.  

I've always been of the opinion that having too many regrets in life is a bad thing.  One of my enormous fears in life is that I might hit the slab without ever having lived close enough to this brilliant place.

I do wish I lived down the road because it's a great shop. It sells everything, or seems to, that you need from a village shop.  A heck of a lot of its fresh food is grown or reared locally.  Brilliant.  It's a foodie's paradise.

With these types of places you sometimes get that pang of guilt that you should be supporting them a bit more than you do because they're hard-working types and this is a local worth while venture, but you then realise that a pack of two pork chops is going to cost you the equivalent of three days' wages, or that for the price of two foetid old carrots covered in a thick coating of mud you could buy one of the pork chops.  And of course you get lectured about stupid things like food miles littered with nonsensical terms like organic and sustainable.

Roots isn't like that.  When you walk in the door, the first thing you notice is not the price of anything but how edible everything is and how delicious looking it is.  You've never seen Beef like it, or tasted for that matter. Fantastic poultry, great cheese, they flog booze, ice-cream, and a great selection of fruit and veg.  Absolutely bloomin' marvellous. Seriously brilliant. As far as price is concerned I reckon things are competitively priced; the few things I've bought there have been pretty good value for money.

One of the modern heresies that Roots nails is the idea that huge choice is good. It isn't. What's important is good choice.

May I politely request that you shove OX27 8SS into your search engine and that if you find it's within 13.500 miles of where you live you go there immediately.

Best Restaurant in Southwold?

First up - I should admit that I'm not qualified to say that this is the best place to eat in Southwold because I can't claim to have eaten everywhere else.  However,  if you ever go to Southwold and you don't eat at the Sole Bay Fish Company down on the estuary then you must be absolutely crackers.

This is a fish monger which has some tables at the back.  They don't do any cooking, rather they bring you whatever you want in the way of shellfish. It's brilliant.  So - pop along to the Adnam's wine shop in Southwold itself, get yourself a nice bottle of something (they don't charge corkage), take some bread, get in here and smash an Ayrton Senna's worth of fishiness and remind yourself of why it's good to be alive.   Absolutely brilliant. And no piped music.

Cream Tea at Ickworth House, NT, Suffolk

What a place!

It's only cretins, fans of George Moonbat, and people who think that Gary Lineker's the the right anchor man for the BBC's Olympics coverage who don't like visiting Suffolk.  Suffolk has it all: great country side, great coast, the Aldeburgh festival, no motorways, a nuclear power station, Adnams beer, Orford oysters, fantastic churches, and of course, a gold-medal-winning cream tea as enjoyed by me at Ickworth House. 

Ickworth House is a temple to straightforward British Madness.  Few inhabitants/owners of this place have been anything less than absolutely cuckoo:  Barking Bishops, Lecherous Lords, Mendacious Marquesses, Avaricious Admirals and Ambassadors, they've all lived here.  And corking cream teas.

Review and rating

Location 9.5/10

Piccie says it all.

The Scone 19.5/20

I've had a rather indifferent run of scones of late.  How brilliant to end such a run with this beauty!

That's a really excellent looking bit of kit I think you'll agree.  Even from this distance you know instantly that it's been cooked to perfection.  How about a closer look.

That's a real monster isn't it.  Perfectly formed but at the same time it has a hint of randomness about it. By having no smooth edges the pastry chef gives you more crust for your buck - delicious.  That golden edge to the whole thing is sheer quality. Bravo.  Fresh, perfectly cooked, no fruit, correctly seasoned.  An MBE is due. Haven't had a 19 plus pointer for donkeys.

The Jam 7.5
As you've seen, one of those miniscule jars.  Not big enough.  Need to pass an act of parliament to get these things banned.

The Cream 8.5
I think that, from time to time, I've been a bit rude about these individually packed clotted jobbies.  What's crucial is the temperature.  If they're straight out of the fridge it's like trying to spread butter that's been in the freezer.  But you can tell from this picture....

...that this cream was brought to me at exactly the right temperature.  Look at that scone on the right,  it's as if the cream is trying to run away!  Genius.

The Tea 10/10
Making tea isn't rocket science.  Keep it simple.  Heat the tea pot until you can't touch it with your hands, tea bag, boiling water. And make sure that there's enough for two cups.  How difficult is that? Answer: Not for Suffolk people.

Service and Miscellaneous 10/10
Brilliant.  The staff were all over Countrycreamtea junior, fetching crayons and things, couldn't do enough.  Not miserable, not too friendly - just right on the button. Excellent.

Value for money 18.5/20
Tricky one this.  £5.20 is twenty pence more than the benchmark of a crispy blue drinks voucher.  But on the other hand it was bloomin good and it was waitress service.  I think the mark's right.

Prejudice Corner 7/10

1) Is the local MP a Liberal Democrat?

No he isn't. Praise the Lord! I think I'm right in saying that Suffolk people have, through the means of evolution, bred out of themselves the ability to elect Liberal Democrats.  It's called progress. 1 Point.

2) You say this was a restaurant.  Isn't this in a newly refurbished part of the house?  I bet it's awful, isn't it?
 Please say more?

You know full well that we abhor all things modern on this blog - particularly when it comes to using the word 'develop' when what they actually mean is 'destroy' or 'deface'.  But...

...there's nowt much wrong with this. 1 point

3) What about coffee?  Was this filthy drink encouraged?  Or more to the point was it over-encouraged?

I'm afraid you're not going to like the answer.
Coffee drinkers are like traffic wardens.  You know that somehow the world won't function without them, they sort of have their place, but one doesn't really want to see them or have one as a neighbour.   So I'm happy for it to be on sale, just about,  but what I can't abide is our youngsters having their pliable minds lead astray into thinking that Coffee is the hot drink of choice for one of Her Majesty's Subjects, which, I'm afraid, is what's going on at Ickworth House.  So.
Sin number 1) The coffee precedes the tea on the menu!  Schoolboy.
Sin number 2) They offer decaf coffee!  I kid you not.  What's the point of that?
Sin number 3) This...

... a horrible coffee machine on full view leading my young son astray.  As vulgar as a fruit-machine. This really should be out of view.

So no points here I'm afraid.

4) Oh dear.  Not good.  Were there any other ways in which this establishment was leading our youngsters astray?

Yes there were.  This beggars belief....

.... I ask you!  Now I understand the need for this establishment to pull in the punters; and I'm aware that the wedding trade is lucrative so there's a few bob on offer.  I'm also pleased to note that there isn't a hideous marquee - the celebration of this wedding took place behind closed doors (which is how it should be).  But we can't put up with this sort of vulgarity.  No points here.  Brides should arrive either on foot or in black motorcars.

5) Oh dear! That is really beyond the pale.  Back to the restaurant.  Was it veggie-friendly?

Not overly so.  How it should be.  1 point.

6) Were you lectured about trendy foods?

A mixed bag.

Dead centre you'll see two boards.  One had a lecture on it about free range eggs.  This is ok.  Free range is good, it's kind to the poultry/livestock and it makes for better tasting food.  The one on the right started with a spiel about fair trade.  That's also ok because Fairtrade is pure capitalism i.e. both buyer and vendor agree on the price which has something in it for both parties. Good.  Then, however, it all goes wrong.  A long lecture about things Organic. This is when I switch off.  This board told us that Organic equals against the use of  pesticides.  Note that they can't claim they don't use pesticides because they do, it's just that they use old fashioned ones.  The whole organics movement is a sham.  Unlike free range poultry v. caged poultry there's no-one that I know of who can taste the difference between organic and non-organic food (incidentally, what the heck is non-organic food?).  Finally - since when are organic farming methods ever going to feed 7.5 billion people.
Rant over, but no points.

7) Was this an olympics free zone?

Yes it was.  An oasis. Well done. 1 point.

8) What about the shop?  The usual horrors?

Actually not.  I couldn't see much lavender or pot-pourri on view. 1 point here.  (Though please do turn off the piped music - it's so vulgar)

9) What about religion?

A thoroughly orthodox CofE background, enormous bookcases throughout the house full of religious tracts. Glorious. 1 point.

10) Could you take your great aunt Edith safe in the knowledge that she wouldn't be put out?

As long as you timed your visit so that she didn't see the white limo - then yes you could. 1 point.

Final Score 90.5/100

Ickworth House becomes a member of the 90+ point club.  Richly deserved. This place is definitely worth a visit.